Being Buddhist During Thanksgiving

The rarely seen Wild Tofurkey!

Really easy to practice the Buddhist path during Thanksgiving.  Here we go!

  1. Refuse to eat the turkey since it is a sentient being.  In fact insist that the chairs are sentient and constantly apologize to them (sofa too) when someone passes gas on them.
  2. Insist on prostrating 3 times in front of the TV whenever someone scores a touchdown or field-goal (are sports on during Thanksgiving? I can never remember.)
  3. Sit on the floor in full-lotus during dinner.  Look up brother’s girlfriend’s skirt.  Insist that it is just “one of the many Dharma gates I swore to pass through”.
  4. Light incense with the smokers outside.  Insist on waving it in their face.  Say it relaxes you and to “get over it”.
  5. If everyone insists on saying a prayer whip out the Identity of the Infinite and Absolute.  Chant loudly. (Evening Gatha also works)
  6. Chant Heart Sutra randomly through dessert.  Make sure mouth is full of pie when yelling “OH SHARIPUTRA” in your great uncle’s face.
  7. Bring grape juice.  Pretend its wine.  Get drunk.  Bitch about the 5th precept.
  8. Monk robes…no undies.
  9. Steal turkey drumsticks.  Hide them in the bathroom.  Insist that it is “Crazy Wisdom” when they discover them during Christmas.
  10. Read this article and laugh at it It has both Big Mind (TM) and NYC snobbery!  YAY!

Cheers all!  Have a mindful and thankful Thanksgiving.  I plan on decorating the Bodhi tree with Prayer Flags and origami this year.  Will have pictures up on Monday.

Need I remind you all that life and death is of supreme importance? 

Jaye over at DigitalZENDO reminded me that tomorrow will be the 49th day after John Daido Loori Roshi’s death (In Japanese custom, there are 13 memorial sevices corresponding to the 13 Buddhas/Bodhisattvas).  I plan to do an extended sit tomorrow morning at 6:00 am Mountain Time.  Feel free to join with me.

Cheers,

John

15 thoughts on “Being Buddhist During Thanksgiving

    • Harrumph! Well, Anon. I will have you know that I do quite a few humorous posts – each with their own merits. I do not need to channel that sciuromorph-loving blowhard Kyle in order to be funny. His humor is so low-brow and unsophisticated.

      I channel myself often. Good day sir!

      • Not sure if I should admit to being the anonymous or not, now. I was just kidding about the squirrel master.

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  2. Wow , it is Thanksgiving Day! I’m happy with my extra day off, and I am planning to make something fun that’ll probably involve a car trip and seeing something new in Oxford I haven’t seen yet.
    You write something new at Thanksgiving?

  3. Oh I needed to hear something like this after the Thanksgiving madness and animal massacre. Thanks for making me laugh. I especially like the chanting bit while praying because I never know what to do with myself when they break out the prayer?

    Here’s one I just thought of: Tell everyone you need to open your third eye when referring to having to go to the bathroom. Hehe…

    • Very nice. I may start using that.

      “I gotta go open my thrid eye”…hilarious!

      I have had to do a few outreach events for work (library) that were to local civic and church groups. Almost all of them start with a prayer. I usually do a mundra, bow my head and recite my Bodhisattva vows or three jewels.

      Cheers,

      John

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