I have been wanting to talk about time and practice. I have been finding it more and more difficult to find any time in the day to sit in zazen or to even get to the zendo every week (I usually get there on Sundays for an hour and a half).
So what to do instead? With an infant child at home, it becomes more and more difficult to find an opportunity to actually sit. I feel somewhat guilty when I leave for some sitting time in the mornings since I then have to rely on my wife to watch the baby. But again, I find this an important part of my day spiritually so where do you go what do you do.
The answer…just accept it. Just sit back and accept it. I am not defined by my sitting at a zendo or by my sitting everyday anymore then I am defined by my dinette set or by my throw rug (thank you “Fight Club”). I am defined by the effort I put into everything in my life as well as the effort put into my practice when get the chance to actually sit. I find the moments with Eliza (usually trying to do kinhin while carrying her) just as important as sitting in a quite zendo or doing the dishes or raking the yard or folding clothes. Unfortunately this has not spread to my activities at work but give it time.
Plenty of oppurtunities for mindfulness exist at home. Any daily task. Any chance encounter. So I guess my practice is doing fine. Still angry and still alive but calm and at rights with myself. I had the time to sit this morning for 20 minutes while a storm whipped itself up into a frenzy outside. It worked out well and I felt good. Tomorrow maybe better or worse. Who cares?