Profiles of Buddhist Bloggers

I have been wanting to do a list of some of my favorite Buddhist bloggers out there in the Buddhoblogosphere (I hate that word) and decided that if I was going to do it, I was going to make it somewhat entertaining and make some jokes at my expense as well as the expense of others. So here are a few of the bloggers that I respect and read religiously with some added humor in the form of everyone’s favorite thing – categories!

A wise man once told me that the line between humor and disrespect was a fine one – and then he never talked to me again – I assume that I crossed that line.

[Have a good laugh on this. Everything was meant in love and we really need to have a sense of humor about ourselves – especially after so much disagreement. So enjoy and If you have some additional profiles I missed, let me know so I can add them!]


The Home-Practicing Hick – Stuck in the Midwest or Deep South, this Buddhist blogger will go on and on about “practical” Buddhism and will act as if he/she eats lotus blossom and shits out petals. In reality this blogger sits maybe once a week and studies under a guy named “Steve” and conducts his Dharma talks at the local Hooters. Most religious paraphernalia was probably purchased from Hot Topic or Old Navy with rituals being carried out in his old Judo gi.

  • Favorite Food: Can you put hot dogs in Curry? Yes. Then that.
  • Example: Ummmmmm…..ehhhh….me?


The Angry Asian Buddhist – If you are white or any non-Asian you are on notice, my friend. There is no flying under the radar with this blogger manning the helm! If you happen to slip up in your terminology or nomenclature you are immediately regulated to the lowest pits of esoteric Buddhist Hell. Best bone up on your Japanese social strata and grab a sociology primer because you are going to need it.

  • Favorite Food: It doesn’t matter. Your weak Caucasian palate could never appreciate the flavors.
  • Example: Well…the Angry Asian Buddhist for one.


The Prick – No pun is too low or picture too naughty. If you want to talk about Dharma or serious Buddhism, steer clear of this blogger, Dear Reader. Expect any retort to involve squirrel testicles, crack whores or dirty, filthy, potty humor. Just reading this blog will lead to numerous viruses on your hard drive and possibly syphilis. Be WARNED!! If this blogger ever actually teamed up with the Angry Asian Buddhist profile, they would be well-nigh unstoppable. Our only hope is to keep them at constant odds with each other. Its mean, I know, but this is national security we are talking about here.


The Scholarly Complainer/Avenger/Compromiser – This blogger of many talents graduated from any Community College Divinity program or mail-order degree factory. Most of their posts will consist of whining about how “commercial” Buddhism has gotten and then quickly run to the closest Borders to pick up the newest Brad Warner rag and read Tricycle from cover to cover. The professional mediator – this blogger will attempt to relieve any tension in the community by flinging Dharma quotes around as if they were magical, thought-provoking Frisbees.

The Know-it-all – No text is too obscure or phrase too boggling. This Buddhist blogger will go on and on about people and places you have never heard of. The fantastical stories weaved would leave H.P. Lovecraft frightened, weeping in a corner and flipping through a thesaurus. Unlike their pupea stage, The Scholarly Blogger, this butterfly flings Dharma quotes as if they were hand-grenades of Unsurpassable Light plopped from Buddha’s own arse and will, by definition, have a sweet, sweet mustache. As sensical, sometimes, as an ancient Chinese koan translated into ancient Greek by a toddler.

  • Favorite Food: His own self-worth
  • Example: The Zennist *pause* whew! No grenades.


The Professional Writer – Ugh! Posts that last at least two kalpas and have been proofread by the Virgin Mary, herself. Immaculate! These year long treatises will weave in and out of consciousness (or at least you will be weaving in and out of consciousness while reading them). Be sure to read the review that they have written on EVERY book on Buddhism they ever read and comments on everything their teacher ever said.


The Saint – You would think that following 5 precepts is enough or maybe 10 but this blogger will follow all 108 and then add 50 more that the Buddha “probably just forgot”. Be prepared to be regaled by stories of beautiful temples in far-off places that you will never visit because you are probably just not serious enough a Buddhist. Oddly enough, this blogger’s shit does actually smell like jasmine and ginger due to their insane daily amount of tea intake. You may think that there is a halo surrounding their heads but it is actually just the aftereffects of acquiring so much awesome merit.

Thanks for posting folks. My growth would be limited without your insight and audacity.

Cheers,

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19 thoughts on “Profiles of Buddhist Bloggers

  1. Ha! This was fun. Will be interesting to see what others think. I'm aware that some of my posts last two kalpas, but hey, the Buddha regularly spoke of hundreds and hundreds of kalpas, so I'm still doing the sound bite era thing 🙂

  2. @ Nathan – I love the long posts. But I need to find something to make fun of.

    Thanks to @Margaret_Scott on twitter for pointing out my gramatical mistakes (hopefully I fixed them all). Maybe I should send you my thesis.

  3. Oh man, I remember the thesis writing days. Lots and lots of shredded paper from re-writes – I had a bad habit of printing everything out, thinking it was finished. Only to find, or be told later, that it really wasn't. I bow to the trees that gave me that paper.

  4. lol – you pegged me perfectly! I even recall commenting years ago that I would LOVE to make my blog into a book – hehe. But alas, the publishers did not come screaming my way… And big thanks for not putting me those lowly scholar-types 🙂

  5. I enjoy my souls of the innocence with a touch of mustard and honey.

    Bastard, pegged me! I will rule the world one day!

    😀

  6. Freak in' hilarious!!!

    Sometimes I feel like I like some blogs way more than others, but I am so glad they are all here, providing perspective on the rich and wonderful differences in our practice.

    Namo Buddha!

  7. LOL! Fabulous! I can't remember the last time I laughed so much! Utterly brilliant! And so nice to see all the recent debates settle into one hilarious post!

  8. “The Swedes love Buddhism” — that was the phrase that just got me. I snickered and chortled here and there, but that line got me a loud room announced guffaw!

    However, I thought that these were real blogs at first, because I think there really IS a “Angry Asian Buddhist” blog. (or something similarly named).

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