How to increase your blog traffic using Twitter

Nothing to do with Twitter...I just love Henry Rollins

This is my method to bring traffic to my blog from Twitter.  There are many like it but this one is mine.
 
Perfect recipe to pick up some extra traffic to your blog….find Christian spammer tweeting Bible/Christian stuff.  Be sure the tweeter is someone who is trying to convert others (you don’t have to limit yourself to Christians.  Try many different beliefs – one will feel right.  Just like dating, it takes some time to find the right one).  Although understand that different religions (or lack of religions) will bring different results.  Be safe.
 
So you take the proselytizing tweet  and RT it but change plenty of stuff with the words “butt-sex” or “hard-on”.  Whatever strikes your fancy as funny.  It doesn’t need be sexual but that is always a great fall back if you are not feeling particularly original that day. There is an art to this part of the equation and it takes time to develop.  Some twitters will block you; others will report you as spam; some will threaten you.  Funny story.  Atheist twitters will get particularly pissy.  I don’t know why.  Buddhists will usually go with the flow (even the Zennist).  Taoists will come to your house and freakin’ kill you.  Again, be safe.
 
Now that you have retweeted said original tweet be sure to say “FIXED” at the end so that all readers understand that you have altered the previous, aforementioned tweet and are doing this is good fun.
 
Now you wait….for two possible outcomes.
 
  1. Christian proselytizer (I say Christian since this is my usual target err…conversation-partner but any religion is fine) has a fine sense of humor and satire, visits your blog.  Loves it and then tells all his/her friends that you are a hilarious Buddhist sure to bring a new level of significance to their spiritual quest, no matter the denomination.
  2. Christian proselytizer becomes very indigent and angry. Tells all their friends that you are a fiend and surely taking souls away from Christ (or Allah, Vishnu, Dawkins, Amitabha) and they all visit your blog in a rage.  At least one of these friends will fall into the number (1) class, described above, and you will further their spiritual quest and perpetuate the cycle.
One happy fulfilled Christian (or whatever) is equal to the 200+ that are now angry with you.
 
Hopefully none of them have knives and directions to your house. 
 
Cheers,
 
John
Advertisements

4 thoughts on “How to increase your blog traffic using Twitter

  1. Since I don’t tweet… I didn’t understand any of this. One social network addiction is enough for me.

  2. Very interesting approach. I think my style would be to ask very pointed questions about the tweet, and try to connect to anything gay. That always riles the fundies.

    I suppose the humor takes the edge off it, removes the potential of attachment to whatever the issue might.

    Very interesting. I may start giving this a try.

  3. “or Allah, Vishnu, Dawkins, Amitabha”

    I like how you included Dawkins, as he does tend to be the Messiah of the online angry atheists out there.

    I don’t do Twitter, as I can barely keep up with blogging and Facebook and email. But this peaks my interest, if it can drive traffic to my blog and maybe I can share some discussion/perspective with some new readers. Thanks.

    Cheers.

  4. Atheists get pissy because they had bad experiences with religion(s), probably. 🙂 Nuns slapping their hands… traumatized by corny religious cartoons, see their parents as zombies, or forced to contemplate teh images of crucifixed Jesus, stuff like that.

Comments are closed.