Hey everyone, it is with heavy heart and head that I have to come to you like this. Lying abjectly on the ground with my face downward begging for your help.
If you enjoy my blog and Twitter account then please consider voting for me for the first annual South Dakota Socie Award. I know what you are thinking…that Jack Daw has got one big ego trying to solicit votes for some inane competition. You, of course, would be correct but ego is not what it is at stake here. The motive is simple – revenge and hope. Yes, in South Dakota there is a nefarious mafia of knitters and quilters who have for too long dominated the blogosphere and they are beginning to spread their shadowy claw of influence to Twitter. Even now they are launching a smear campaign that makes the KPC mafia look like a Buddhist bake sale.
I know. I’m scared. I am worried about my family and my livelihood. It is a frightening prospect but I am willing to fight to my last breath. But what can one person do to stop this influx of granny-panties and hair-buns? Already this knitting mafia has caused the mass die-off of several species of bird, fish and reptile (even CRABS), petitioned Congress to remove “elves” from The Lord of the Rings and replace it with “faeries” and recently launched a personal attack when this morally bankrupt crew took down a flock of Jack Daws in Norway. An obvious attempt to dissuade me from my current course of action. Rumor has it that they even plan steal Bruce Lee’s famous nunchakus in order to create an epic pair of knitting needles to craft the “Sweater of Armageddon” from Chuck Norris’ chest hair. Their depravity knows no bounds.
What can you do? One thing. You can vote for me and encourage others to do so. A vote for Jack Daw is a vote against the fascist knitting regime.
Viva la revolucion!