The Sorrowful Ballad of Big Mouth Doheny McGinty

A rare and welcomed musical post. A throwback to the ’60’s…1860’s that is. Enjoy but don’t play in reverse as you may mistakenly summon the Goat of a Thousand Young or a horde of drunk Irishmen…whichever causes more damage.

The Ballad of Doheny McGinty ©

by The Turdhurlers

I come down from the highlands, where the crystal waters ran
My name is Doheny McGinty, I’ll stand down to no man
I come to the city to make my way w/ the strength in my two arms
Bare knuckles in the alleyways & in the back rooms of the bars

It’s awful what a man must do to earn his bread & meat
We beat each other black & blue, if I lose I won’t eat
Put your money down on me, I will not lose this fight
Doheny McGinty will not be beat! Tonight will be my night!

Then I’ll go back to my clan & see my kin
My dear old mother’s smile, my father’s grin
I’ll give them all I’ve earned that they might live
They’ll raise a glass to me at Ye Olde Inne

Dowling McDermot challenged me, when he come up from the South
His hands as big as anvils, & he had a bigger mouth
He slander’d my name all around, from the forest to the glen
His lies had spread all over town, I swore I’d have revenge

The time will come for us to fight, we’ll settle this like men
I’ll meet you any time you like, just tell me where & when…
We fought in the church basement, his punches fell like rain
He beat me to the pavement, he battered out my brains

I felt the bones a-breaking in my hands
He was more of a mountain than a man
Blood & sweat & tears down my face ran
He hammer’d me so hard I couldn’t stand

The pounding made me senseless, he knock’d me all around
He render’d me defenseless, he beat me to the ground
From home I wish’d I’d never gone, the LORD didn’t hear my prayers
Dowling McDermot was so very strong, he beat me UP the stairs

He knock’d my head against the wall, I couldn’t help but scream
Dowling McDermot was so very tall, my punches reach’d his knees
My eyes swoll’d up & fill’d w/ blood, so bad I couldn’t see
But Dowling McDermot he wasn’t done, he broke out all my teeth

My face gets batter’d, my knuckles lose their skin
I hope I can survive to see him win
My ribs are broken, my head is caving in
He beats me up then beats me down again

The referee took pity on me halfway through the last round
He gave the gift of life to me when he finally count’d me out
I crawl’d out to the alley & vow’d to GOD right then
If HE would only spare me, I’d never fight again

My handsome face forever lost, I’m good for nothing now
My body broke, I’ve paid the cost, Dowling McDermot has won the bout
Doheny McGinty is my name, drink to me tonight!
I’m crawling off in pain & shame for I have lost my fight.